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I have been doing a lot of work on my independence lately are there have been a number of times in the last few months where I have noticed it being slightly unhealthy.

I went to see a therapist about it and, during our session, she asked me "what are your emotional needs"? I couldn't answer it during the session and took the question as home work. I left the session and headed home and open Google and searched "what are emotional needs"? I am not kidding: I do wish I could lie my way out of this one - but I can't.

Recently, I've been reading and learning a lot about Attachment Theory. The theory was pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, when he came up with three ways we behave when in relationships.

I went on to read the book - Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, and it is a total game changer. The book is written by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and it is a very easy read as it makes perfect sense. To say I had a few light bulb moments when reading it is a total understatement.

I have been thinking about and trying to understand what unconditional love is for a while now. The basis of all my writing and work is self-love.

When I think about the word "unconditional" it implies that there are no restrictions or conditions.

When I first read that Chrissy Teigen chose a female embryo for her baby I must admit I first thought, "Is that what having children is really about?"

I have been following her entire pregnancy, as she was the reason that I wrote about freezing my eggs.

I could almost finish the blog there.

I've said that sentence to four people this week who are recently single. When I said it to them, they looked at me like I was saying the most profound statement they'd ever heard. This is why I want to reiterate this in my blog this week.

Think about it, when you are the ex communicating OR when you have received a text from your ex - how do you feel? How do you think they are feeling? Something triggered the need for you to reach out and communicate with someone whom you have cut ties with. I'm not talking about when time passes and you have a mutual friendship. I am talking about those days and weeks after a break up.

I picked up The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman this week. My wonderful coaches Neil and Andy first introduced me to Love Languages when I studied with them at Whatever Life Throws. They gave me a great introduction to what the 5 Love Languages are, however, this week reading the book I developed a better understanding of them and the impact they can have on all my relationships.

As human beings there are five ways we need to be loved but we all have a primary language, and, if we aren't receiving love in this language then our emotional love tank can feel pretty empty.

I have written about being a control freak and my fierce need for independence. But whilst on my self love journey things have started to change.

For most of my time in London I probably worked 80 hours a week with my best mates. Looking back some of this was busyness to numb my lack of self love but mostly it was bloody fun. I worked hard and played hard: I'd be in Ibiza, at a festival or traveling around Europe whilst working with the biggest music artists in the world. Life was pretty exciting, but I rarely stopped or had time for myself so when I did it was a relief to have some 'me' time.

Last week I got hurt. Really hurt. The type of hurt that made me cry.

And I have to be honest, it has been a while since I have felt this type of pain. It related to matters of the heart. A pain point for many of us.

Now that I do my best to live from my heart and not numb my feelings, I allowed myself to feel the pain of being hurt, spoke to the person that hurt me and worked my way through it. This was a big deal for me; normally I deal with this type of hurt by putting up a huge wall, shutting the person out of my life and pretending I am ok.

I recently wrote about - moving on from relationships. I know I hung onto relationships that weren't good for me because I didn't want to fail, but I have to admit I have previously been in codependent relationships too.

I want to talk about protecting ourselves. When I started studying the Enneagram I discovered I was a type 8. I was on a course with Robert Holden when he asked me how I knew I was a type 8 - I had done the test (twice), which told me, but when I read the unhealthy characteristics of an 8, I knew it was me straight away and I felt shame.

When is the right time to move on from a relationship? When I refer to a 'relationship', I am talking about all forms of relationships - not just the romantic type. I recently had a valuable lesson served to me and I want to share it.

I made the mistake of thinking, that living from my heart, with love, meant making every form of relationship in my life work. I saw it as a failure if I couldn't. In one particular instance I tried everything. I tried being supportive, having compassion, beaming love, being honest, the list goes on but nothing worked.

A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. It is SO true, but all of us, at some point have stopped setting boundaries for fear of not being liked or loved. We fear setting boundaries because we fear losing the person we need to set them with.

The Boundaries We Set In Our Life Tell Others

  • This is what I will accept in my life
  • This is how I want to be treated
  • This is a measure of how much I love myself   

Examples Of Where We Don’t Set Boundaries In Our Life Can Include:

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